Tuesday, 7 January 2020

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 5 - Helioptile line to Carbink (and Diancie)





I have no strong feelings either way on these two and…I’m sure I should. Stylistically the two are lovely, a mid-point between Gen 1 and Gen 3 that I wish all of the third Generation of Pokémon had used; Helioptile is adorable (and it’s head looks like a sliding puzzle, don’t you think? Just me?) and Heliolisk has (I feel) a clever, logical and creative thought process behind its design (frilled lizards = suns = Aztek), in fact it’s a lovely design all over; the two are nice to use in battle, speedy and most importantly they can learn Surf so you can surf on an adorable sun lizard all ‘round France!
And it looks so sun-like when it puffs it’s frills out:



So why can’t I get it up for them?
I have no idea…





For Mega Steelix see here

For Mega Kangaskhan see here

For Mega Mawille see here




Yes! I don’t care what it’s western name is, Tyranitar is a Kaiju, not a T-Rex – it’s still a damn awesome Pokémon but it’s clearly Godzilla and never scratched my King Tyrant Lizard itch the way I wanted it scratched. Tyrantrum sure does, maybe because it learns Charm - I mean what’s more attractive than a huge rock covered dragon with severe anger management issues?
Very little is the answer. This is absolutely what I wanted and I realise that what I wanted wasn’t very original – a Pokémonified T-Rex with appropriate typing and a cute little hypothesis on what a T-Rex wold look like if it were a Bulbasaur and I wanted them to come from Fossils. Funnily enough Tyrantrum is a big badass Pokémonified T-Rex with appropriate typing (Rock/Dragon) a manly beard and a way of making feathers look badass and Tyrunt is a cute but still feisty looking little Fossilmon (from the Jaw Fossil). There are other little things I like, like how their teeth blend in with their muzzle or how Tyruntrum is detailed without looking too busy (though I might have dropped the yellow? I dunno, I can’t decide on that) or how I’d totally own a Tyrunt and set it on anyone I didn’t like to gnaw on their ankles until they fucked off but mostly I’m just pleased because I got what I wanted, next.








These are, if you haven’t figured out the format yet, the other Fossil Pokémon for X & Y, the ones you get if you don’t pick Tyrunt’s fossil (so if you picked the Sail Fossil). I get it, I get the contrast, we have a prey to contrast a predator, and a cute ‘pretty’ ‘mon to contrast the big badass mon, it’s nice, it appeals to another part of Pokémon’s audience, good stuff. Of course we all know the Triceratops is the T-Rex’s nemesis but I get what they were going for and I don’t think they failed, if you don’t like Amaura you’ll probably like Tyrunt and vice versa and the line has a pleasing 80’s girl toy vibe going to them, you could easily see Amaura mixed in among the My Little Ponies and Aurorus striding around with the Moon Dreamers or Keypers, I can practically hear the tap-tap of the plastic Aurorus is made from and see the studio lights glint off of its ice-diamonds in the tv commercial. And that is not a complaint, I’m big on 80’s girls toys, in fact it’s the thing I like about them the most, well that and Aurorus’ lovely frills, those are some visually pleasing aurora borealis looking fins right there Aurorus, you work them.
I don’t find them anywhere near as exciting as the rexes but then they’re not Dragon type t-rexes are they? What did you expect? And I would have preferred a dino or prehistoric creature we didn’t already have instead of more longnecks (I really would like a Dimetrodon, Iguanadon or Triceratops please Game Freak) but they’re more than solid and a decent addition to the PokéSauropods (and the first to be Fossilmons).





For Mega Aerodactyl see here

For Mega Manectric see here

For Mega Houndoom see here

For Sylvion see here




What do you want me to say? It’s a Ray Mysterio parrot! A lucha libre hawk whose feathers make up it’s costume and mask! The first Flying/Fighting type is a high-flying wrestler! It’s a showboating pro wrestler that has its own finishing move (Flying Press) and turns heel when it’s shiny! It’s fucking genius!





It’s Pikaclone time and once upon a time, well about 10 months ago, I could have grumbled that Dedenne was the closest to the Pikachu line of the lot, but then Morpeko debuted and that’s just a Pikachu who fell in some paint (except when Hangry, then it’s a Pikachu that fell in some different coloured paint) so now Dedenne is number two, good for Dedenne. But it really does just look like a prevolution of Raichu doesn’t it? If it was the start of a new branched evolution this would be fine, but it isn’t, it doesn’t evolve at all, so it’s derivative and ultimately not very useful (except for Little Cup et all), so why can’t I bring myself to hate it? Well firstly because it’s so damn cute (it’s lil’ too, so it’s the rodent version of Joltik really) but because it has a lot of things about it to like – I like it’s little antenna whiskers, I like it’s very Gen 1 feeling style (not surprising as it’s just baby Raichu but it’s still there and still worthy of praise), I like it’s little naughty behaviour of going around and stealing electricity from sockets (which is too adorable) and I like the idea that it might be based on the French Tooth Fairy – which is a mouse. It would just make so much sense if Bulbapedia is right about this, it’s from Kalos, it’s a mouse, it goes around the house taking things and its part Fairy Type, it has to be true right? Or else Dedenne’s typing is just random and no one wants that.



For Mega Sableye see here





Carbink was easily my favourite Fairy type introduced in Gen 6, I’ve not been HARSH on them (other than Flabebe) but I can’t say I’ve got enthusiastic about them either. I genuinely REALLY like Carbink. Everything about its design works for me, it has ‘random’ pieces of crystal but there seems to have been genuinely thought put in their placement so the ‘mon looks as visually pleasing and they don’t’ look slapped on, when I complain about that shit, this is what I’m looking for, some thought to the placement, this is what I mean. Carbink is also fucking adorable, with its big eyes and bunny ears and no mouth AND it’s ‘born’ the way real diamonds are born – from years of heat and pressure, I like that. It’s not the most useful Fairy Type, certainly not on par with the monster that is Slurpuff, it does learn two nice offensive Fairy moves but it really needs an evolution, or a buff, or a Mega, or a Gigantamax, or something.
Well I say it doesn’t evolve…and it doesn’t in that you as a player cannot evolve Carbink into another Pokémon EXCEPT it totally does evolve, into the Mythical Pokémon Diancie. Once in a while a ‘sudden transform’ will have Carbink transform into a Diancie, Diancie is even the same typing and has the stats and physical size of a second stage evolution, it’s just you can’t ever do this – there’s no item, no location, no way of making a Carbink into a Diancie. Instead Diancie is just another event Pokémon, acting as this generation’s Celebi or Jirachi just with this weird connection to another, regular ‘mon. This bugs me, it just seems so…unnecessary, why not simply have Diancie evolve from Carbink? We’d never had a normal Pokémon evolve into a Mythical or Legendary Pokémon at this point so it would have been either a massive surprise that even the hardcore fans wouldn’t’ve have anticipated or a big new gimmick to show off to drum up fan interest. If not that, then why not just make Diancie Carbink’s evolution and a normal Pokémon and let Hoopa be the Mew of this generation? It’s closer to the normal Mew formula and you’d still have two Event ‘Mons (Hoopa and Volcanion), how many Event ‘Mons do you need, Game Freak?
As a design I like Diancie good enough, it takes the idea of Carbink (a fairy with rocks as part of it, it’s a real-world legend) in a more obvious direction, well except the bottom half of it is a rock, Bogleech called is a rock mermaid, I like that, I shall call it that from now on. It’s nice to have such an overtly ‘girly’ design though, we get a lot of overtly ‘manly’ designs, clearly meant to appeal to the more testosteroney of lads but not so many meant to appeal to the girls who actually liked playing Barbie as kids and Gen 6 gave us both Sylvalion, Slurpuff and Diancie, so yay for diversity. Oh yeah and Diancie has a Mega where it becomes a sodding chandelier, I’d like to see Sia swing from it - and then immediately be shot in the face by Dazzling Gleam, I may have unresolved anger issues. I like Mega Diancie just fine, Megas are over-the-top and what’s more over-the-top for a rock than to become a chandelier, the most over the top of home furnishing? It’s very visually appealing too, with a lovely ‘skirt’ of gems and a delicious looking white and pink colour-scheme with very light gold accents, if it was a cake I’d want to eat it, I’m not sure what I mean by that.
Oh and apparently candeliers are 'functional' as they'd bounce the light around the room, but I heard this on the telly from a woman who bought a house with over 90 rooms so make of that what you will.





For Mega Ampharos see here

For Mega Pinsir see here

For Mega Heracross see here

For Mega Slowbro see here

For Mega Garchomp see here

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