Mattycollector is done, the Mattel era of Masters of the Universe Classics is over, approximately 2901 figures, vehicles, beasts and playsets plus four weapons paks and a bunch of stands. So naturally a countdown is needed. Actually what got me going was this thread over at heman.org and more so how different everyone’s answers were, I suppose that’s quite fitting for a such a supposedly unpleasable fanbase as Masters of the Universe is thought to have (and kinda does have) but I get bored with countdowns on subjects where everyone seems to pick the same bloody things, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is not a surprise anymore. I started to do my top 10 for the thread but soon realised that a) a top 10 didn’t do the line or my thoughts on the line justice and b) this was going to be way too long for a forum post, if only I had a blog to post crap like this on…oh wait, I do.
Quick primer then: Masters of the Universe Classics was an
online-only collectors’ action figure line published by Mattel from 2008 to
2016, the figures were released monthly through Mattycollector.com and from
2010 onwards buyers could subscribe, ensuring them the 12 regular figures, a
figure only available if you subscribed and a number of extra items, usually
around four to six. Items were also released ‘exclusively’ for San Diego Comic
Con International (though nearly all of them were sold online afterwards) and
from 2013 an all-purpose ‘travelling con’ item (sold at various conventions and
then online) and a ‘chase figure’ (sold at random, unadvertised times
throughout the year). In 2012 a second monthly figure was added for half the
year and sold as part of a ‘mini-sub’. In 2016 the line was split into two
bi-monthly lines Masters of the Universe
Classics: Collector’s Choice and He-Man
& The Masters of the Universe, the latter providing screen-accurate
versions of characters as they appeared in FILMation’s cartoon from the 1980s,
though a few items did slip out that year using the basic MOTUC name. Super7
now have the licence and are going to continue putting out product under
Masters of the Universe Classics, as they’ve adjusted their international postage
and are putting out Fang-Or, Quakke and Lodar I’m not as angry with them as I was
(though I did still miss out on Ultimate Teela and Ultimate Faker, bollocks). So
are you sitting comfortably? Then by the Power of Grayskull, I have the power:
25 Optikk
Masters of the Universe Classics, May 2010, Club
Eternia
Who? Pilot for
the Space Mutants, from the New Adventures of He-Man Cartoon and its
corresponding toyline He-Man.
Why? Well
mostly because he’s a big bronze robot looking motherfucker with a huge eyeball
for a head, it’s really hard to dislike that. But also because he’s just
executed so well, a phrase I’ll be overusing for this list I think, he is
literally just Roboto wearing a different top but those pieces work so well for
Optikk’s original design and the proportions of his new top, weapons and
eyeball are just right. Optikk was the first New Adventures (‘NA’) figure in
the line and the figure that convinced a lot of people that the line and its
sculptors the Four Horsemen could make the least liked part of the He-Man
franchise awesome and I can see why; he’s just so damn pleasing to the eye
(pun!).
24. Laser Power He-Man
Masters of the Universe Classics, December 20152,
Club Eternia
Who? One of
the very last two figures to be released in the vintage Masters of the Universe
toyline, the original figure is now a rare and expensive collectible.
Why? Spoilers,
this the only He-Man on the list, this is mostly because I was never
over-enamoured with the original He-Man head sculpt and I wanted to judge the
figures as they were when released, not with later additions like the perfect
vintage head that came with Oo-Larr; part of it is also because I’m one of
those people that always like the supporting cast over the main character. This He-Man uses a different head sculpt (the
original figure didn’t reuse the vintage head either) and I love it, it’s a
great fit for the original figure’s card art –a jpg of which is the closest
I’ll ever come to owning that toy – and his armour has been given just a little
tweak in proportions, just made a little bit more ‘mecha’ while still retaining
that feel of future tech from the 1980’s and before, before the anime influence
became more prominent. Also he lights up, and lights up good. He’s this far down
for two reasons: his arm armour has a habit of falling off and I’m one of those
people who always prefer the supporting cast. Incidentally I was going to do a
Quick Crappy review of this two pack, and even took pictures for it, but never
wrote it, I have no idea why.
23. Crita
Masters of the Universe Classics: Collector’s Choice,
July 2016, Collector’s Choice Subscription
Who? A space
witch and Skeletor’s unofficial second-in-command in the Space Mutants (don’t
tell Flogg) from The New Adventures of He-Man cartoon
Why? The only
character in He-Man I like more than Crita is Evil-Lyn (are you noticing a
theme?), we had to wait so long for her and…they did her beautifully, they gave
her all the new piece she needed, her wand in two different forms, picked my
preferred costume and then gave her a huge fuck-off big gun to slay Xenomorphs
(or Gleanons, the evil bitch) with. She’s low down for her shawl being glued
in, that is literally how hard it was to order this list, I had to resort to
using a problem that can be navigated against one of my favourite characters –
but hey, that’s better than Buzz-Off who isn’t on the list due to the sheer
volume of good figures, poor bee man.
22. Skeletor
Masters of the Universe Classics, January 2009
Who? Seriously?
Ok, ok, a sorcerer, leader of the Evil Warriors and He-Man’s main enemy, in
many versions of the franchise he’s He-Man’s uncle, Keldor.
Why? Masters
of the Universe Classics was the line that got me back into collector’s figures after a looong hiatus and Skeletor was the figure that got
me to ‘pull the trigger’ on starting to buy Masters of the Universe Classics
(along with itsalltrue.net’s reviews) so I kind of owe The Lord of Destruction
(sorry Buzz-Off). I couldn’t believe they’d made a figure of Skeletor that
looked like how my childhood brain saw my Skeletor figure, he’s not actually
100% accurate to the vintage toy but rather based on the card back art from the
vintage line – he has streamlined forearm spikes and shin pads which I think
look so much more stylish, there’s just this nice swoosh to them3 – but
this was Skeletor as I’d always imagined him, with modern sculpt and paint
detailed but free of the exaggerated style and redesign of 200X. He’s also the
loveliest blue, a blue that really shows off the sculpting of the standard buck
pieces and what a lovely style they use, a chunky, Ed McGuinness style that
looks so much better than the twisted, mega muscle definition Todd McFarlane pieces
that Hasbro and Mattel use for their superheroes. Why’s he so low? Again it’s
my predilection for secondary characters really, and while I like Skeletor, I don’t
like him quite as much as the other figures, vague but sometimes my mind is
like that.
21. Sssqueeze
Masters of the Universe Classics, June 2015, Club
Eternia
Who? One of
the Snake Men from the vintage Masters of the Universe toyline.
Why? Some
vintage figures incorporated little elements from other versions of the
character (Buzz-Off and Mosquitor’s spider-legs, Man-E-Faces’ flesh tone), some
had little changes or upgrades (like Skeletor up there, or Stinkor’s fur) but
some were just straight translations, Sssqueeze is one of those and one of the
figures who managed to be 100% an improvement on that vintage figure, while not
looking remotely different. A lot of it is proportions, which I realize I’ve
mentioned three times now; just making his armour and arms chunkier and better
proportioned improves the figure a fuckton, I may be explaining it badly but
it’s important ok? And it’s especially important here because just the right
proportions stops chest amour from looking like a training bra. Mostly what
impresses me about Sssqueeze though is the execution of his arms, bendy like
the original figure, though infinitely better for being thicker, capable of
independent movement, looking no different from the rest of the figure (you
ever notice that? that bendy parts stand out? Snout Spout had this issue in
Classics, that and his bendy part tended to rot and wither, Sssqueeze doesn’t
have that issue, different bendy material) and holding their shape, they don’t
even overbalance him that much, Tuskador’s tusks overbalance him more and he’s
got huge feet. Why not in the top 20? Meh, personal preference really and a
little bit the lack of 200X head.
20. Tuskador
Masters of the Universe Classics: Collector’s Choice,
November 2016, Collector’s Choice Subscription
Who? A trader
and the muscle for the Galactic Protectors, the heroes of The New Adventures of
He-man and the Toyline it was based on: He-Man
Why? We enter
the top 20 with the most recent figure on the list, who I only just got done
gushing about in a Quick Crappy Review, I’m still in love with the figure, he’s
a superb update of an already cool looking toy just made bigger and given a
bunch of additional (thoughtful) options for display - he’s just impressive in
every way, the only downside is that they invented a new head design rather
than using his cartoon noggin but that head design is so good it’s pretty much
makes up for it, unless you’re trying to make a top 20 countdown list, then you
use it against him.
19. Granamyr
Masters of the Universe Classics, December 2012
Who? An
ancient and powerful dragon from Darksmoke, with a prejudice against humans
(and very old tees) but a fondness for He-Man, from the original He-Man &
The Masters of the Universe cartoon and the mini-comics that came with the
vintage Masters of the Universe toys (where he was green4).
Why? Granamyr
represents a bit of a problem because from the dragon down flaws with the
figures are very few and I worry that thus from now on this article is going to
be very dull, still at least the ‘synonyms’ function on my Microsoft Word will
feel loved. Sculpt-wise Granamyr is perfect, he’s a master-class in fantasy
beasts from the Four Horsemen, whose real forte lies in the Fantasy genre and
especially its creatures, from the texturing and warts on his skin to the dings
his helmet there isn’t a single bad thing about his sculpt. What he has going
against him are also things that he has going for him; he’s huge and he’s heavy
– this means he’s expensive, expensive to ship and eats up a lot of space on
the shelf, as such he’s the only figure on this list I don’t personally own and
possibly never will, which is sad, but reality often is. Also why am I
including him when, as you’ll see, I’m not including beasts like Battlecat or
Swift Wing? Because he’s humanoid in shape and thus I (quite racistly) consider
him more of a figure than a beast, and felt that I left him off I would have to
potentially leave off Gygor and the Shadow Beasts, who I also consider figures
more than beasts and I didn’t want to do that.
18. Gygor
Masters of the Universe Classics, September 2010, Club
Eternia
Who? A
proposed way of reusing a gorilla toy originally used in Mattel’s 1970s lines
Tarzan and Big Jim5 the character was ultimately not produced, but
photos of a mock-up (by Roger Sweet) remain. Gygor is an evil warlord and the
damn dirty ape who killed Vykron.
Why? He’s a
big pissed-off gorilla in lemon and lime flavours wielding a huge axe, I can’t
believe I live in a world where that isn’t justification enough for thinking
some it top 20 material but just in case I do (and I’ve a strong suspicion
that’s the case): Some people hated the ‘concept figures’, toys of prototypes
and/or earlier designs that never made it to the original figure lines, I am
not one of those some people. I actually think it’s a nice thing for the people
behind a toyline to do, to give us things we couldn’t have, and I get a genuine
little thrill from knowing that I could never have them but now I can, and this
doesn’t wear off (for me) because the status never changes – they’ll always be
a figure we couldn’t have that now we can. Obviously this thrill is helped if
the figure is really well executed (and a lemon & lime flavoured monkey)
and Gygor really is, again the Four Horsemen really excel at fantasy beasts and
this is a great fantasy gorilla with some spot-on fur detailing and some lovely
blending of colours, his armour is soft and pliable without being floppy and
his axe is huge and imposing without being unwieldy – really there’s little to
nothing wrong with his execution at all and it’s really only personal
preference that keeps him below my number 17 pick.
17. Darius
Masters of the Universe: Collector’s Choice, May 2016,
Collector’s Choice Subscription
Who? Leader of
the Galactic Protectors, being cut from the He-Man toyline (because his action
feature was problematic) lead to him not appearing in The New Adventures of
He-Man cartoon, though he did appear in the comics that supported it.
Why? Darius
has all the positives of Gygor except being a giant ape, and I respect that you
may think that fact should mean he should be voted lower and it’s hard to argue
that but hear me out: Gygor was never advertised or used in any official
material, in fact I don’t think we even knew about him until Roger Sweet’s
Mastering the Universe book in 2005 (I could be wrong). Darius however was used
in the He-Man comics that were out at the time and that time was when I was a kid, it never dawned on me that
he didn’t have a figure, I just assumed I never saw it. Basically I have the
same attachment to Darius (yes, an NA character, shock) that people have to the
likes of Icer and Strongarm, a character from the other media they always
wanted a toy of but was out of luck, I just didn’t know that until I was an
adult and found out there wasn’t one. So to me this figure existing is slightly
more important and while Gygor really has no flaws in his execution, Darius’
importance to me more than makes up for having no paint on his accessors - for
this list anyway. For those (presumably imaginary) readers reading this and muttering about He-Ro and Eldor, yes I’m DELIGHTED they both exist but both
have issues with their execution6 and given how minute some of my reasons for ordering these figures are, I can’t ignore that
just cos I’m really pleased they exist.
16. Ninja Warrior
Masters of the Universe
Classics, February 2015, Club Eternia
Who? A ninja
summoned by Skeletor to join his Evil Warriors and assassinate his enemies, he only
appeared in the vintage Masters of the Universe toyline and the mini-comics that
came as part of it. A copyright problem with (I believe) Skylanders meant
Mattel couldn’t release his figure under the character’s actual name: Ninjor.
Why? Yay The
Personal Bias as a Driving Force for The Placement on The List Train comes to a
halt for a moment (you should see that name on the arrivals board at Liverpool
Street mate, takes up half of it and really
pisses off the people going to Shenfield) with Ninjor, I’m not calling him
Ninja Warrior. Ninjor’s a name I’m seeing a lot on that he-man.org thread and
reactions to him at the time were the same: holy shit, they made Ninjor look
badass. The Four Horsemen are really good at understanding and bringing out the
awesomeness of a character or concept (see: nearly every NA figure), you
wouldn’t think that’d be necessary with a
demon ninja but by being one of the late-in-the-day ‘other genre’
characters shoved in the vintage line in a desperate attempt to appeal to kids
and keep it popular some people had written him off as goofy. I’m not amongst
them by the way, I always liked Ninjor, but with what amounts to a cool couple
of heads and a detailed upgrade of his tunic everyone else has joined me. I
agree, everything about the figure looks badass, his masked headsculpt is full
of quiet menace and his 2 dozen accessories make him look like a total force
foe be reckoned with, they did a good job here. Kept out of the top 10 for
having painted glove lines instead of sculpted ones (why not just use the
gloved forearm parts?), it really bugs me when toy companies do that, but it
bugs me more when they do it on expensive collectors’ figures, oop the train’s
starting up again:
15. Spinerella
Masters of the Universe Classics, December 2014, Club
Etheria
Who? A rebel
from the other side of Etheria to the Whispering Woods, she was a late edition
to the Princess of Power toyline (and corresponding She-Ra: Princess of Power
cartoon) and now commands very high prices for her vintage figure.
Why? Oh god
I’m going to say ‘well executed’ again, Synonym’s function, help me! *is
useless* fuck you! Yeah she’s really well done, she’s so well done in fact that
they had to change what subscription she came in and charge more for her, this
was to give her painted stripes all the way ‘round and as far as I’m concerned
that’s $5 well spend on my part because part of why Spinerella’s ranked so high
(and above perfectly executed figures like Gygor or Man-E-Faces) is because I
personally find her colour scheme so aesthetically pleasing, the only issue I
have with her execution is that he gauntlets don’t ‘naturally’ turn to allow
for some spinning poses (though I’m sure you could make them), but that’s made
up for by giving her the swappable hair pieces to achieve both her figure and
cartoon look. Also I really quite fancy her. I know she’s blatantly gay with
Netossa (someone make this cannon please), and not real, but that doesn’t stop
her from being attractive, if I were the sort of chauvinist pig who ranked
women by attractiveness – which I’m NOT *looks shifty* - I’d say she came in
third for me from Princess of Power, just above Shadow Weaver (don’t ask) but
below Mermista and Castaspella.
14. Icer
Masters of the Universe Classics, July 2013, Club
Filmation
Who?
Skeletor’s agent in the frozen north of Eternia, he only appeared in the He-Man
& The Maters of the Universe episode ‘The Ice Age Cometh’, where he was the
main antagonist
Why? There’s
nothing wrong with this figure, he’s pretty much perfect and the biggest
‘surprise hit’ with me from the line, the only reason he’s not higher is
because he’s a one-shot villain from a FILMation episode I didn’t remember, and
now I do (and have watched it again) am not that impressed with (it’s alright).
The figure was so good it made me like it despite not caring about the character
but I still don’t care about the character7 all that much (though
more than I did before he had a superb action figure). Make sense? Maybe? He
even comes with an accessory for poor ol’ Stratos…that poor ol’ Stratos can’t
hold, well I said ‘pretty much’ perfect.
13. Vikor
Masters of the Universe Classics, January 2011, Club
Eternia
Who? Based on
some of Mark Taylor’s8 earliest design work for what became Masters
of the Universe, Vikor was an earlier He-Man before Prince Adam, who didn’t use
the Power of Grayskull but guarded the castle and the swords within.
Why? I think
Vikor is the last figure on this list that I have an issue with execution-wise,
which is good, cos I can stop saying ‘execution’ and find a new word to
overuse. My issue is very personal and a little odd but I don’t like little
metal chains, they make me feel sick, Vikor uses these on his bracers and while
they’re not quite the right size or length to really make me feel queasy, they
do a little bit and it’s a shame because it’s a little black mark on what is
actually a pretty flawless figure. I really like Mark Taylor’s artwork, in fact
I like the art of a lot of people who did work for vintage Masters of the
Universe including Ted Mayer, Rudy Obrero, Edd Watts and of course the mighty
Earl Norem but Taylor’s style is very pleasing to me, I especially like the
three ‘Vikor-era’ drawings of Demo-Man, Vikor and Red Beast, there’s a
lightness to their lines that I find almost pretty. Why is Vikor here when
Demo-Man is not? Meh, just personal preference, I like Vikor’s design better -
and he’s not so fucking green he makes my eyes hurt (really, you think Gygor up
there is really fucking yellow, Demo-Man is five times as really fucking
green).
In part 2: lots more monsters, some cute things, the most manliest of Masters and lots more uses of variations of the term 'execution'
1 Counting pack-ins, both figures in army builder packs (or three figures in the case of the Hover Robots) and Imp Chest
2
as part of the Laster Power He-Man / Laser Light Skeletor 2-pack.
3
the toy-accurate forearms and shins were eventually given to Skeletor with the
Dragon Blaster Skeletor figure, who can be made into regular Skeletor just by
swapping his armour piece.
4
a green version of Granamyr was released for the 2016 Power-Con, the American
He-Man & Thundercats convention, I just prefer him red.
5
the vintage Battlecat and Panthor use a big cat model used in both these lines,
while vintage Screeech and Zoar use a bird used in Big Jim (vintage Beast Man’s
whip is also from that line).
6
He-Ro’s half armour makes sense from a cost saving and design standpoint but it
is something notable and Eldor’s from a pretty bad timeframe when designer
Rueben Martinez really wasn’t giving a fuck, these include his horribly bulky
jacket, shit hood and warm chocolate staff plus the decision to make him highly
detailed (not Rueben’s) and give him his intended colours rather that the
colours of the prototype photograph we’d all got so used to (also not
Rueben’s?).
7
this should not imply that I think I’m somehow above having one-off characters
from the FILMation cartoon I’m attached to regardless of their overall unimportance.
I have those - Kittrina, Darkdream, Shokoti, Evilseed, The Enchantress and
Plundor for instance – Icer’s just not one of them.
8
there has been some controversy over who ‘created’ He-Man; Mark Taylor was the
lead designer on Masters of the Universe during its initial development,
producing B-sheets for He-Man, Skeletor, Teela, Man-At-Arms, Beast Man,
Stratos, Mer-Man, Battlecat and Zodac (from which Mattel’s sculptors’ would
make the figures, they changed Skeletor and He-Man a little between these
B-Sheets and the final figures) and co-sculpted Castle Grayskull (which he
designed) with Ted Mayer. Taylor left to work at Playmates leaving most toys
from the second wave onwards to be designed by others including Edd Watts, Ted
Mayer, Colin Bailey and Roger Sweet. Sweet is the other person who claims to
have ‘created’ He-man, he was in charge of the project that became Masters of
the Universe and created three mock-ups but really his only contribution to
He-Man is the name and an insistence on the body builder physique - he did
design several characters including Webstor and Mekanek but as far as I’m
concerned he no more created or designed He-Man than Disney’s wife created
Mickey Mouse (oh yeah, fun fact: Disney’s wife named Mickey Mouse, Walt wanted
to call him Mortimer).
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