Hmmm…
So I noticed the following:
Tailow is much cuter than I always think of it as being and Swellow is much
meaner than I always think of it as being. I don’t know how interesting this is
but I’m struggling to find things to write about these two. Looking at them
with their random choice of colour scheme and their early-Image Comics red
markings they’re a pretty good example of Generation 3 which makes them pretty
good designs as far as being the Hoenn ‘regional bird’ goes, with them
representing the sort of Pokémon in the region (design-wise). Ruby and Sapphire
were the games that really cemented the concept of each regional having it’s
own version of certain animals – bugs, cats, fish, birds – and I’m so used to
it I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it (as I was going to talk to about it
here to pad this section out) but overall I think it makes sense, in the real
world there are types of creatures – including birds, fish and bugs – that are
in just about every region of the world and often there are types of them that
are exclusive or far more common in that region. So it’s reflecting real life
as much as it is anything else (like being a bit mentally lazy). Back to the
birds, they’re both fine, I have genuinely no complaints and they’re one of my
friend’s favourite Pokémon so even if I did have complaints I wouldn’t voice
them because she has frogs and I fear frogs and she would take horrible
frog-themed revenge if I shat on her birdies.
So you remember I said that
this generation was designed by a large team? Well I bet you didn’t know that Max
Fleischer was one of them? Seriously these things could have flown out of any
Pre-War animated short; they could be eating Bimbo the Dog’s rubbish or
shitting on Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. They’re a sepia tone away from being Bendy
& The Ink Machine enemies.
I like this about them,
it’s not exactly surprisingly that this style meshes so well with the older
Generations of Pokémon as Manga and Anime as a style grew out of Disney, the
early work of manga pioneer Osamu Tezuka would fit right in alongside Bimbo,
Oswald, Mickey and Felix, in fact some of those characters look better fits
than Bettie Boop or Goofy! Anyway if I had the choice I’d lose Pelliper’s blue
head stripe but I’ve a feeling if I highlight every extraneous bit of markings
on Gen III Pokémon I’ll become quite annoying very fast. So yeah, good
abstracted birds, with a nice hint of Steamboat Willie, very pleasing!
Ok, lets get this out of the
way first because I KNOW it’s all you care about and you won’t pay attention
until I touch on it: I personally do not want to shag Gardevoir, for me it’s
not quite human enough and not quite anthropomorphic animal enough, but a
midpoint where (for me) bangability does not lie. HOWEVER If you do want to
bang this Pokémon I don’t judge you in any way, it was clearly designed to
resemble a human female and the lore surrounding it, like it – in so many words
– falling in love with its trainer and remaining faithful until death – were
clearly based on Japan’s idea of what an ideal wife should be. Gardevoir is the
Waifu Pokémon. So I get it, I just don’t want to doink it myself.
Can we talk about other
stuff now? Because I really rather like this line and there’s a lot to discuss
other than if I want to fuck it or not. For those who roll their eyes at
Gardevoir, I’d like to argue that it’s a pretty logical thing to introduce into
the franchise, we’d had masculine-looking abstracted human style Pokémon since
Generation 1 (Machamp and the Hitmons) so a feminine-looking set is only fair
(especially as we were getting another 8 masculine-looking abstracted human
style Pokémon this generation) and admittedly a fairly obvious idea but one
that the Pokémon world would feel weirder and less complete without. And while
it IS the first overly ‘sexy’ Pokémon, it’s really not that fanservicy if you
actually look at the damn thing and it’s official art, sprites and renders
rather than all the porn of it, if you’re sceptical please compare Gardevoir to
Digimon’s fanservice female ‘mons like Lotusmon or Angewomon and see how sexual
Gardevoir ain’t. Of course it’s Mega form does grow the Gardevoir version of
stonking great tits…but that’s a critique for it’s Mega form.
Also, there’s a delightful
battle-of-the-sexes humour to the fact that all of the male-looking ‘mons up to
and including Gen 3 are all weak to the female-looking one’s Type. I’m sure
that was intentional and I enjoy it.
I also enjoy the fact that
the most lusted after of all Pokémon begins its life as a really creepy little
thing, but that doesn’t mean I want one in my house. Ralts is the Pokémon
version of the creepy ghost child that Japan loves to freak me out with so much
and thought of it shuffling along my hallways with eyes I can’t see…urgh
*shudder*. As it’s not real though? It’s cool, a creepy child is definitely an
apt basis for the first stage of a Psychic Type line and for an abstracted
human style Pokémon.
Gallade does what it does
well, it compliments Gardevoir’s grace with a Three Musketeers/Errol Flynn
style cool and it has weaponized elbows, which is just neat whenever it shows
up, I wish my elbows could be used to stab motherfuckers with. It IS an
exceptionally obvious thing to do – this is another of Generation 4’s
cross-generational evolutions – and there were certainly Gen 1-3 Pokémon that
could have done with an addition to its evolutionary line more and these would
have lead to more creative creatures than ‘boy Gardevoir’ and as a boy
Gardevoir it doesn’t really do anything radical or even that interesting beyond
its knifebows. But I don’t think anybody was really calling for that. Fans who
wanted a boy Gardevoir wanted a boy Gardevoir, with the same appeal as Gardvoir
Classic but without the cooties or uterus implications, not an example of the
creative skill or subversive mentality of the people who work for the people
who work for Nintendo. As someone who didn’t need a boy Gardevoir because I’m a
heterosexual male who is completely comfortable using feminine Pokémon in
battle and talking about his Care Bears and Rainbow Brite collections I can sit
there and say ‘oh, well, it’s not that creative’ but I’m not the target
audience, the target audience wanted Gallade and they got Gallade, so now
everyone can wank over the Ralts line regardless of sex or sexuality. Yay.
Meanwhile, two generations
later, Game Freak readily admitted popularity was a big factor in which ‘mons
got Mega Evolutions so it should be NO surprise that Mega Gardevoir and Mega
Gallade exist. But aren’t they a bit… reserved? I mean they make sense within
the concept of Mega Evolution: they take elements of the regular forms and
exaggerate them and in the process look more powerful, and they make sense in
terms of real-world design process – Gardevoir is even more feminine and more
attractive to nerds (and now has the aforementioned equivalent of stonking
great tits), Gallade gets a stylish cape and huger knifebows but…y’know… Mega
Aerodactyel has rocks jutting out all over its body and Mega Tyranitar looks
like an explosion of spikes and badassery, these two are just a bit…tame.
I don’t quite get why
they’re green and white though, nothing about their colour scheme makes you
think of Psychic, it makes you think of Grass. You might be saying ‘oh it
doesn’t matter that much’ or ‘they might just have wanted to do something
different’ or even ‘the Abra line isn’t purple either, mate’ and you’re not
wrong but with hundreds of ‘mons to remember even at this stage, visual
short-hand like colours can be a big help. I’m not holding it against them too
much because their colour schemes do suit them and do look pleasant, it’s more
I don’t understand the thought process, maybe these weren’t gonna be Psychic
types at first? Anyway they’re now Psychic/Fairy types and they do look more
like fairies than psychics, so I’ll shut up and move on.
Kirlia’s alright.
So these got a buff in Gen
7 and are now quite well thought of, which is nice I guess
I don’t know what to put
here, I’m VERY apathetic to these two. Surskit is almost Digimon levels of
simple but at least has the fact that its based on a real creature to elevate
it above the uncreative doldrums of Digimon’s circles with monster faces drawn
on them and the little markings that look like its blushing do at least make it
impossible to hate, stop looking at me like that Surksit I’m trying to give you
an honest review that gets across what I think about you as a design and you
keep being too cute for me to do that!
Masquerain (good name,
that) is a step up, most of it still simply but I’m guess I’m saying it’s the
right kind of simple, Ramones style simple. It’s also very… Epcot. Do you know
what I mean? That kind of concrete soulless futurist style from the 70’s and
80’s, from after Space Mountain but before the Apple Mac? Mind you – a whole
set of Pokémon based on Disney rides would be awesome, you could have a Turtle
thing with a shell like Space Mountain’s show building, or a big angry floating
Spaceship Earth, or a Doom Buggy based ‘mon, or one based on that dopey sea
serpent from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, another based on Harold the Yeti,
there’s sure some mileage in that - yes I am padding this out.
That all means that I’m not
a big fan of the style of Masquerain or the colours, it reminds me of a
‘futuristic’ art style I’ve always found unpleasant and unsettling but I like
it’s teardrop shaped head and that it has a false face on it’s wings and head,
which is cleverly and subtly done (it has a mouth by its eyes, see?) which puts
the score back up so that in the end result is three balls apiece for these
two.
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