The Pop Culture Christmas Tree™ is done!
Well actually it was done
on Sunday but my phone ran out of battery and I couldn’t find the charger. This
isn’t the first year I’ve done this but this is the first year I’ve been able
to have solely pop culture related to
decorations. I feel like I’ve achieved something even though all I’ve achieved
is being alive long enough for enough hanging things to be released, hmm but
given my various depression-based problems, maybe that IS an achievement? Fuck
it I feel a sense of accomplishment and that’s all that matters – so of course
I’m going to share it with the internet.
The above photo doesn’t do
my completely Pop Culture tree
justice (I’m not even sure if it’s in focus) so I’ve picked out some key elements
for you, you’re so lucky, so are you’re sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin
WARNING: INCREDIBLY AMATEURISH PHOTOGRAPHY TO FOLLOW
A Vader on
Top of the Christmas Tree
I don’t have a star for the
top of my tree this year, so I’m using a Death Star instead. It’s still a star,
(it’s no moon though) and all that other ‘yonder’ star did was guide a bunch of
old clever blokes with crap Christmas presents, the Death Star blew up Alderaan.
Also in shot is one of the baubles I bought at Walt Disney World this year and
I’d like to say how delighted I am that the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror is
now the landmark for Disney Hollywood Studios, think about that: Disney are now
putting it in the same league as Spaceship Earth and Cinderella’s Castle, two
of the most iconic things in theme parks, even more enjoyable now we know that
Disneyland’s one is going to be re-themed into a Guardians of the Galaxy ride.
It’s kind of how DC Comics insist on having horrible redesigned costumes on
their characters in the comics and insist they’re ‘permanent changes’ but most
of their merchandise uses the classic costumes, satisfying in one way but
frustrating in another.
Named After A
Hot Dog, You Poor Man!
Ghostbusters
II is set at Christmas and New Year, that reference is thematically appropriate
in every way. This is just a nice little story; my friends bought me this Oscar
the Lucky Rabbit decoration last year just because I was too ill to go to a
shopping centre with them. No bigger reason, just I wasn’t there and they were
and they and they thought I’d really like a tree decoration of the lad who was
Mickey Mouse before Mickey Mouse was Mickey Mouse. Then they came and dropped
it off while I was still ill in bed – how nice is that? Oscar is perhaps second
only to Uncle Scrooge in my little world (when it comes to Disney characters);
I’m one of those Disney Hipsters who knew about him before he got famous but
Epic Mickey made me appreciate him,
it took him from being a nice piece of trivia to being a sympathetic underdog,
it allowed Disney to merchandise him too.
The King,
Queen and Knave of the Pop Culture Tree!
Raphael
always goes at the front of the Christmas tree; he’s my favourite Turtle but
he’s the also Christmassiest Turtle, he’s red and green, those are the colours
of Christmas. He’s not exactly the most ‘good will to all men’ of characters granted, he’s more the ‘I am angry so savage beatings to all men who get in my way’ sort
of dude but even he likes Christmas, and I have canonical proof and that proof
involves using butterfly swords to trim a Christmas tree so it’s the best kind
of proof. Maleficent is my favourite Disney villain so her bauble also gets
centre place and my new hand-made Metal Sonic decoration is so cool I can’t possibly
put it anywhere but front-centre. These three independent trains of thought
lead to these three forming a power trio of Christmas decorations and now you
need to imagine a Voltron made up of the angry Ninja Turtle, a metal Sonic the
Hedgehog and a sexy green fairy witch who becomes a dragon, this Voltron will
also be able to become a dragon, and will have butterfly swords.
Grim-Grinning
Ghosts…and Lego
While it’s completely
unintentional the Hitchhiking Ghosts Christmas ornament is the perfect colours
to make them look like you’re seeing the green of a Christmas tree through
them. This would work better with a real fir rather than this cheap fibre-optic
contraption I have that makes a noise like TV static whenever you turn it on
(and doesn’t even do it to a recognisably Christmassy tune) but I still enjoyed
it. I’m guessing the build-it-yourself Lego baubles are on sale elsewhere but I
bought mine at LegoLand (Windsor), the only way they could make a better Lego
bauble is if you actually built the whole bauble out of Lego and now I’ve
thought of that I want it to exist, right now.
Memories of
EuroDisney
A few years ago my mum went
with her friend’s family to EuroDisney Disneyland Paris (still can’t get
used to that) and took me with her, about two weeks before Christmas - this
was, I think, a good idea for all involved. Paris is generally considered the
shittiest of the Disney parks worldwide and I will (begrudgingly) admit that
yes, it’s nowhere near as good as Anaheim or Orlando but it’s still a Magic
Kingdom and even a Magic Kingdom at its shittiest is still leagues above any
other theme park in Europe, even the really creepy derelict ones I want to go
camping in. I didn’t have much money for memorabilia that trip but one thing I
had to bring home with me was a Disneyland Christmas decoration, this is that
decoration. Since I’ve been I now get a deep yearning to be at a Disney park
the weeks before Christmas, or any time I’m down in the winter, most people
associate Disney with summer, I associate it with Christmas and Halloween. I
wish I was there right now.
Vintage TMNT
Decorations!
I’ve had these for as long
as I can remember, my nan has a dictatorial control of the main Christmas tree
in the front room but she loosened her vice-like grip just enough to allow me a
few wooden TMNT decorations, until I got to about 5 and then I got my own
little tree and was forever banned from touching hers ever again. At the same
time my dad also had a set for me and dressed Christmas trees the way he made
stews, eventually he gave me his set to use so now I have lots of vintage TMNT
Decorations to sprinkle around. I am obsessive about these things, and treat
them like delicate glass treasures, which is exactly why I chose this one to
photograph because as you can see: it’s clearly been chewed by a dog and it’s
not alone in this tattiness, some are missing bells, some have also been gnawed
on by long-gone pets, one appears to have been left out in the garden for a few
months but NO, they are precious things and to be treated as such.
I’m Not
Hufflepuff I Just Like Badgers
So as far as I can tell the
two most sought after items this Christmas are the NES Mini and Primark’s Harry
Potter Christmas Baubles. These things are like rocking horse shit this December
and after weeks of repeatedly going into Primark and being disappointed I gave
in and bought a set of eBay, I figured the extra cost was worth being able to actually
display them up to and during Christmas. So my Potter Balls turn up and... they’ve
come from a Romford postcode, this means that there’s a very good chance they
got them from my Primark and are directly responsible for me needing to buy
them from them at an inflated price plus postage (even though they could have
walked them to my house) – I just got Dealered, I feel a fool. Buuuut I do have
baubles with each of the Hogwarts house logos on them and that does make me
feel better, about most things actually…
Holidays are
Coming…
I don’t like coke, any
coke, not Coca-Cola, not Pepsi (not even Crystal Pepsi) but I LOVE the Coca Cola Christmas adverts. I
have allowed myself to completely buy into the bullshit of letting a television
commercial dictate my celebration because as it isn’t Christmas until the Coca-Cola trucks turn up in-between Emmerdale and Coronation Street. Do they run these ads in the day-time? Like in daylight? Or
does it always instantly become 9pm on Christmas Even in my mind whenever they
play and I don’t notice the midday sun? Anyway this came from BHS so can we
have a moment of silence for British Home Stores please?
Good, now have a moment of
hatred for one dodgy bastard Philip Green.
Finally, some advice: always
balance your tree, not just for aesthetic reasons but for ‘stopping the tree
from falling on your face’ reasons – especially if you have loads of metal
baubles with, say, Star Wars characters on them, I can be hard because you
might only have awesome decorations, I mean one could be a Lando Calrissian
Ball, why would you not want to look at that? but you must. Yeah, in case I
need to spell this out even clearer: I put a load of stuff on the front of my
tree and it hit me in the face when it overbalanced – have some Christmas schadenfreude. I
promise next time I’ll post on a topic that isn’t indulgent personal things that only I care about.
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