Saturday 11 January 2020

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 8 - Round-Up

Have you noticed the amount of 5’s and Gold 5’s this generation? So have I. Generation 6 was very strong with its new Pokémon, overall being the most consistently good since Gen 2 and maybe even Gen 1. Sadly that isn’t something that’s going to carry on – Generations 7 and especially 8 are more up and down, with some greatness mixed in with some of the worst of the series, so pretty much Generation 4 but bigger – and worst of all they wouldn’t carry over the Mega Evolution concept, replacing it with the (I feel) far lazier Z-Move concept and the nearly-as-satisfying Gigantamax concept.
If you’re wondering why I’m talking more about other generation it’s cos I really don’t have much to say here – Generation 6 can be summed up thus: the new games were average, the remakes great and the new Pokémon even better – a real case of quality over quantity and very needed after the quantity over quality Generation 5 - but it was just, too, short.
And it’s a fitting that I don’t have much to say about a short generation because a) it’s short, duh and b) it feels like I didn’t have much to say about most of it’s Pokémon either, I need to put more words into Generation 8.
Let’s do the list thing:

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 7 - Legendaries

Why am I suddenly reviewing Yu-Gi-Oh monsters? I mean they’re very nice Yu-Gi-Oh monsters but wasn’t this about Pokémon last entry? Whaddaya mean these ARE Pokémon and were in fact the box Legendaries for Pokémon X & Y and I know this and I’m just dragging it out to make a point? The point is that is that I find the pair – two thirds of the Aura Trio, we’re dealing with Zygarde separately for reasons that will become obvious later – exceptionally jarring in terms of design and feel which really can be summed up as ‘they look like they’re from another series’ with Yu-Gi-Oh being the closest stylistically and for me that sore thumbness is what defines them, especially Xerneas (Zer-Ne-Ass)
As a monster design I do find myself rather liking Yveltal (Evil-tul), and it’s certainly a fit for the concept of a bird of destruction, it’s kind of like the bird version of Lord Zedd and that’s no bad thing, and I like it’s tail is also a hand, the whole thing not only looks like a Y (as it was the Box Legendary for Pokémon Y) but also like a huge thing grabbing at you – when all it’s doing is flying, ‘if it’s that menacing when benign’ it says ‘imagine what it’s like when it’s pissed off’. Xerneas I don’t much like and never have, I like the concept of jewelled stag horns and it’s nice that the first pure Fairy type Legendary isn’t a typical fairy, which would be obvious as all fuck, but the design as a whole I just don’t dig. There’s too many bits where there shouldn’t be – too many markings, too many colours and the whole thing is incredibly segmented, feeling less like one animal and more like a kinder egg toy (again). And I hate its feet, this is really petty but they’ve bothered me since reveal – how the bleedin’ hell does it stand up? They look like apple corers, how does it stand up on blades? It’s just…they piss me off.
The legend behind these is that they’re basically Ragnarök which if you ask me makes them terrifying, the idea of the world ending and restarting really bothers me for whatever reason and it’s another thing that puts me off the two. I’m serious I don’t want to think about that shit when I’m playing Pokémon (god, I’m a child). Xerneas gives life with its horns, Yveltal sucks life with its wings, Yveltal will end the world, Xerneas will rebirth it, Zygarde monitors the two little shits. Of course it’s Pokémon so this all could be bullshit, but I still don’t like it - don’t give me existential crises Pokémon!

Thursday 9 January 2020

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 6 - Goomy line to Noibat line

Best guesses for why these three slimy little darlings are PURE dragon include a sea slug nicknamed the Blue Dragon Sea Slug, a French mythical creature called Lou Carcolh which is supposedly both a serpent and mollusc at the same time, taking characteristics from both types of animals and the yōkai Shussebora, a trumpet shell snail that lives 1000 years in the mountains, 1000 on the plains, and 1000 at sea, then will ascend and turn into a dragon. If I had to pick one I’d go with Shussebora because Game Freak generally look to their own myths first when looking for inspiration for ‘mons but I agree the Lou Carcolh makes sense, honestly it’s probably a mix of all of this and more, you know what Game Freak are like.
I, of course, think this line is magnificent – they’re just so friendly and happy and cute that it’s impossible to not love them. I think I like Goodra the least of the three – but Goodra shouldn’t feel bad, because I like Goomy and Sligoo a lot - and it’s different enough to keep the ‘no dragons are usually like this’ appeal that the line thrives on but it’s closer to a standard cute dragon than its previous forms - but again Goodra shouldn’t feel bad because Goomy and Sligoo are nothing like dragons. What they are like is two adorable little slime things and I love ‘em, I want a Goomy, it’s simply adorable and adorably simple. Why is it that I always have less to talk about when it comes to the Pokémon I really like? I suppose it’s just easier to summarize why I like something? Or I’m shit at this and need to stop. Feh, yeah right.

For Mega Gengar see here

Tuesday 7 January 2020

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 5 - Helioptile line to Carbink (and Diancie)

I have no strong feelings either way on these two and…I’m sure I should. Stylistically the two are lovely, a mid-point between Gen 1 and Gen 3 that I wish all of the third Generation of Pokémon had used; Helioptile is adorable (and it’s head looks like a sliding puzzle, don’t you think? Just me?) and Heliolisk has (I feel) a clever, logical and creative thought process behind its design (frilled lizards = suns = Aztek), in fact it’s a lovely design all over; the two are nice to use in battle, speedy and most importantly they can learn Surf so you can surf on an adorable sun lizard all ‘round France!
And it looks so sun-like when it puffs it’s frills out:

So why can’t I get it up for them?
I have no idea…

For Mega Steelix see here

For Mega Kangaskhan see here

For Mega Mawille see here

Yes! I don’t care what it’s western name is, Tyranitar is a Kaiju, not a T-Rex – it’s still a damn awesome Pokémon but it’s clearly Godzilla and never scratched my King Tyrant Lizard itch the way I wanted it scratched. Tyrantrum sure does, maybe because it learns Charm - I mean what’s more attractive than a huge rock covered dragon with severe anger management issues?
Very little is the answer. This is absolutely what I wanted and I realise that what I wanted wasn’t very original – a Pokémonified T-Rex with appropriate typing and a cute little hypothesis on what a T-Rex wold look like if it were a Bulbasaur and I wanted them to come from Fossils. Funnily enough Tyrantrum is a big badass Pokémonified T-Rex with appropriate typing (Rock/Dragon) a manly beard and a way of making feathers look badass and Tyrunt is a cute but still feisty looking little Fossilmon (from the Jaw Fossil). There are other little things I like, like how their teeth blend in with their muzzle or how Tyruntrum is detailed without looking too busy (though I might have dropped the yellow? I dunno, I can’t decide on that) or how I’d totally own a Tyrunt and set it on anyone I didn’t like to gnaw on their ankles until they fucked off but mostly I’m just pleased because I got what I wanted, next.

Friday 3 January 2020

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 4 - Spritzee line to Clauncher line

‘Evolution Disappointment’ (my term, just made it up) seems to be something that most Pokémon fans suffer from every Generation and if you go by the internet they seem to suffer from it HARD, every generation half the Pokémon that’re revealed evolve into criminal offenses enacted upon their person by Game Freak –but I rarely ever have it. I’ve been following new Pokémon reveals since Generation 2 and I’m rarely unhappy with what the ‘mons morph into, in fact I find that evolutions often save a line from a stage 1 Pokémans that didn’t do much for me (examples in this generation alone include Pangoro, Chesnaught, Barbaracle and Florges). Even when I’m not as keen about the evolution as the prevolution (like, say, Meowstic) I’m rarely disappointed or angry, but it does happen every so often. Generation Six induced a LOT of Evolution Disappointment it seemed, with the Chespin, Fennekin and Spritzee lines being the worst causes. With Spritzee people seemed to agree with me that it was fantastic that this Fairy Type incorporated something as dark and objectively awesome as Plague Doctors in its design and most people seemed to feel, like me that it was a major disappointment that it turned into a pudgy, dumpy, fluffy little bird lady that drew influence from can-can dancers of all things that was only creepy in the sense that it was trying to be a bit sexy.
I was on-board with this as I say, I was hoping for something far spookier and far less fabulous but I’ve warmed to it in ways that many seem to have not. It’s not what I was hoping for yes but it’s a fairly sensible evolution for Spritzee, carrying over the mix of pink, fluffy and CREEEPY and drawing from cosmetics (not that you can really tell) keeps up the scent theme that was the source of the plague doctor elements as it was and I love the shape and swish of those ears, very pleasing. Really the worst thing about Aromatise is that Spritzee was revealed before it. I still don’t get the can-can/flamenco thing though…still it does evolve while holding a ‘Sachet’.