On the 13th of June I turned 30, I’m not dealing with this so instead I decided to both ignore and celebrate me lasting so long by writing a whole bunch of top 30 countdown lists. I returned to Orlando, Florida and its theme parks and attractions after 20 years for a holiday. Going to Florida on holiday is a big thing for Britons and requires much saving and lots of effort (and lots of sitting watching whatever Virgin Atlantic put on their little screens). Letter From America is the blog-based fallout from this, we left the day before Hurricane Matthew hit and these posts are not meant in any way as a middle finger to those were killed, injured or even inconvenienced by the hurricane, we at AFB send our deepest sympathies to you all.
Welcome to AFB’s countdown
of the top 30 attractions you can visit at the Orlando Parks in Florida,
America – for reference that’s Magic Kingdom, Disney’s Animal Kingdom, EPCOT,
Disney’s Hollywood Studios, Blizzard Beach, Typhoon Lagoon, SeaWorld, SeaWorld
Aquatica, Universal Studios Florida, Universal’s Island of Adventure and
technically Universal City Walk as well. Busch Gardens isn’t being included
because it’s an hour away in Tampa but I pretty much recommend all of their
roller coasters cos they have good ‘coasters, Wet ‘n Wild is also being
excluded because it’s closing this year (not over this) and including anything
from it wouldn’t really be very helpful to anyone who was reading this before
they went (like that’d happen but it’s best to err on the side of caution) but
rides like The Black Hole, Disco H2O and Bomb Bay will forever be in my heart.
This being written after a
holiday in Orlando so you can read this knowing that I’ve actually tested out
nearly all of these rides and thus this list is based mostly on first-hand
experience, we’re also adding ‘Worth the Queue’ to this which basically means
is the ride experience equal to the average queue time. So no more dicking
about, are you sitting comfortably? Then welcome, foolish mortals.
30. Mickey’s
PhilharMagic
Magic Kingdom
Why? Bear with
me here, years ago Marc Davies proposed a short ice themed dark ride for the
Magic Kingdom just to give visitors a nice place to get out of the Florida
heat, with Donald Duck’s PhilharMagic I feel that Disney had given us just
that. It may seem almost blasphemy to compare the less than loved DONALD
DUCK’S PhilharMagic to anything designed by the man who brought us Pirates of
the Caribbean and the elephant’s bathing pool but the attraction’s on this list
because it’s a nice place to sit in the cool with something entertaining to
look at and to just take a break from Disney World. This is why attractions
like the Tiki Room and Country Bears and DONALD
DUCK’S!! PhilharMagic need to stay because you really need this, especially if you’re an antisocial prick like me. DONALD
FUCKING DUCK’S!! PhilharMagic is the best of the bunch of these
‘nice place to sit’ attractions, it’s just Disney’s half-arsed version of
Muppet*Vision sure but it’s lines are always short, it’s cool, it’s comfy, it’s
not that intrusive or intense and gives you a fun little short to look at with
Donald Duck invading famous Disney songs, proving that there is nothing that
cannot be improved by adding Donald Duck. After watching DONALD FUCKING SERIOUSLY
MICKEY’S IN LIKE 2 SECONDS OF THIS THING DUCK’S!! PhilharMagic
(more than once) I’m booking Donald Duck to appear at my funeral
Worth the Queue?
What queue? Even at the height of summer, when places like PhilharMagic are
most needed, there’s never any bastard waiting in line for this thing. Plus
once you’re waiting for a show you can sit down on nice carpet in an air
conditioned room.
29. Crush ‘N
Gusher
Typhoon Lagoon
Why? Because
it’s something that I always wanted to exist but never thought would, a flume
that’s laid out like a roller coaster, hell just a flume that pushes you up is
something I’ve always wanted to experience, and this thing can do that and do
it well, it pushed me and my mate – two large blokes if ever there were large
blokes – up with ease. It’s also really nicely designed, fitting Typhoon
Lagoon’s ‘built by shipwrecked people’ theme neatly with nets and a sort of
‘grew out of a swamp’ feel while the splash pool combines with a shallow desert
oasis like kids pool that’s lovely to just lay in for half an hour, and with it
being out of the way and off from the main wave pool and main cluster of flumes
and rides it can be quite quiet there.
Worth the Queue?
We didn’t really queue for this one but queuing is something that knocks down
all flumes, they are rarely long enough to justify standing and either sweating
or freezing your bollocks off for half an hour for. Crush ‘N Gusher is long by
flume standards and a great and fairly unique experience so it fares better
than most of its kind in this category but meh, maybe.
28.
Despicable Me Minion Mayhem
Universal
Studios Florida
Why? When
judging attractions based on films or film franchises I have set critera that
if ticked off makes it ‘good’ – Minion Mayhem actually does meets most of
these: the original voice actors are used, it tells a unique story that fits in
with the films’ cannon neatly (this one is celebrating the anniversary of Gru
adopting the gurls) but it feels kind of lightweight and it’s just a pretty
standard simulator. In fact it’s a very high capacity simulator, the seating
area is laid out more like a show-based attraction like Mr Lincoln or Laugh
Floor or PhilarMagic or whatever and that kind of ruins the immersion a little bit for me, the show acknowledges that
you’re in a large group but I dunno, it just doesn’t simulate me as much as
smaller enclosed ride vehicles do and the Minion dance party at the end is a
massive disappointment, there was one Minion there in a set up like a Meet ‘n
Greet, queue and all, for shame Universal, for shame, false advertising. The
queue area is great though, there’s a recreation of Gru’s house with loads of
things from the films made real, including the rhino chair, freeze ray and
wonderfully a whole Gru family tree, the gift shop’s really well stocked too
actually.
Worth the Queue?
This is another thing that gets this voted so low, being based on a franchise
that’s very popular at the moment already ensures that this is going to have
queue times disproportionate to the ride’s length and level of enjoyment but
Universal have decided to put it RIGHT BY THE ENTRANCE on the main thoroughfare
into the park and that’s just terrible placing if you want to keep queues down.
I think we queued for 30 minutes and that felt ok, especially as they have
unique shorts playing – Minions in slapstick can always keep me occupied – but
this was just as the park was closing and that’s the shortest queue time I saw
the whole fortnight (we went to Universal a lot), as fun as it is it’s not
worth queuing 50 minutes to an hour and half for.
27. Revenge
of the Mummy
Univesal
Studios Florida
Why? Universal
really needs to sort out its main park, the loss of Kongfrontation, Jaws,
Ghostbusters, Beetlejuice, Back to the Future and Disaster and the relegation
of the Universal Monsters to a café and (albeit very good) make-up show have
really hurt the park and left it lacking for star signature attractions, an
identity, and more so properties that you associate with Universal Studios,
with only Harry Potter, the Simpsons and the still-remaining Terminator and
E.T.1 feeling like they’ve earned their place in the park and earnt
the right to stay around while all those other icons have been done away with
and even then you don’t really associate Harry Potter or The Simpsons with
Universal over, say, associating them with J.K. Rowling and Fox. In fact I
figured out the main problem, with the exception of Escape from Gringotts, T-2
and maybe E.T. all the rides Universal currently have, and currently push as
great must have experiences, all feel like the rides you go on between the big rides rather than the
big rides themselves. I bring all this up because a) I wanted to get it out of
my system and b) Revenge of the Mummy is the next closest to feeling like a
‘big’ ride after Gringotts and T-2 (and maybe E.T.). ‘Mummy is a good indoor
‘coaster, simple as that, and the first ride to make this list because it’s not
only a roller coaster but an experience,
it’s got a good story running through it (the haunted set of the Brendan
Fraiser remake), it’s got the film’s mix of humour and comedy down perfectly
and cast members returned with Frasier even agreeing to play himself but as a
bratty spoilt actor for laughs and it’s got a great false finish buuuuuuut it’s
starting to show it’s age and the cracks and seams are starting to become a bit
more obvious. Its needs a tarting up in other words, especially with blending
screens and physical surrounding (which can now be done almost perfectly) and
maybe some improved animatronics, I do however think it’s worth keeping it and
just giving it a spruce because it’s a great ride and it’s link to the
Universal Monsters gives it that credibility that a lot of its fellow rides
really lack.
Worth the Queue?
The ride and the film franchise ain’t that popular anymore so it doesn’t have
the huge queues it once commanded, I went on it at during a Horror Night
because it’s based on a horror film so what better time to experience it and I
actually felt we missed out by not queuing at all as you don’t get to take in
the story of the ride, which is told mostly via television screens in the queuing
the area. So yeah you need to at least queue a little while to get the full
experience so the current queue lengths are acceptable.
26. Jurassic
Park River Adventure
Universal’s
Island of Adventure
Why? Another
ride that really needs a tart up, those outdoor dinosaur animatronics
desperately need some work done on them but the second half, pretty much
everything after the Parasaurolophus, more than makes up for the first. The
second the ‘raptors get loose the ride goes up a thousand notches and the
Velociraptors and T-Rex attacks are fan-fucking-tastic. You JUST miss the
T-Rex’s head on the big drop and it shit me up mate, even though I know it’s an animatronic (though I am
very easily immersed) and I know
you’re going to miss it, it is thrilling – as a dinosaur fan, as a theme park fan
and as a Jurassic Park fan. As a log flume, which is what it is, you can call
it ‘Adventure’ if you like Universal we know it’s a log flume, it’s not that
bad – I’d like to point out that Alton Towers did the ‘log flume past
dinosaurs’ decades before you Universal but it’s the best thing to ride a log
flume past and yes I am saying that just because I’m dinosaur mad. They need to
get those outside dinos moving and moving better but otherwise, it’s a good log
flume, you don’t even get that wet.
Worth the Queue?
Hmm, this is another ride that’s been around for a while so I didn’t see any
LONG queue times the whole fortnight, I think the longest was about half an
hour. As a Jurassic Park fan I was happy to wait that long – I didn’t, because
we went on a weekday and queued for about three minutes but I’d’ve been happy
to – if you’re not then 30 minutes might seem a little long especially with how
unimpressive the early part of the ride now is, it’s also not that long feeling
(though it is quite a long ride thanks to the Jungle River Cruise style first
half) and only has one drop – a very good drop but only one of it – so I duno
if I can say unbiased that it’s worth it.
25. The
Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man
Universal
Island of Adventure
Why? Rounding
off our trio of ‘great rides that really need a tart up’ is Spider-Man, the
ride that started a really lazy trend at Universal parks which can be summed up
as ‘make it half a simulator and have it interact with some screens, that’s
cheaper than animatronics, requires less space and HOPEFULLY is much more fun’
which is pretty much all of their newer attractions. Spider-Man REALLY needs
updating, and I hate saying that about any ride because usually I feel when you
update something too much you take something away from it, not Spider-Man, it
needs a complete overhaul, it needs new footage and story and its queue area
needs completely redoing. Now the integration between cart movement and screen
is fine, in fact it’s borderline perfect and the screens are actually better
than The Mummy’s and possibly Forbidden Journey’s too but the whole thing has
the aesthetic of Spider-Man: The Animated Series and the footage, story and
choice of characters is very stuck in where the Spider-Man comics and franchise
was in the mid-90s and as great as it is to see Hobgoblin, Scream and Hydro-Man
in a theme park ride, especially Scream, decades of comics, multiple movies and
new cartoons have completely changed the landscape and allowed for Spider-Man’s
most iconic villains to either return or return to prominence, we need to get
Venom and Green Goblin in here and the Daily Bugle queue area (which is
awesome) needs to be made realistic and filled with as many cameos as they can,
that map on one desk? That needs to be a map of the Savage Land, the computer
screens? They need to be on Spider-Girl’s Twitter or the Daily Bugle.com from
Ultimate Spider-Man’s recap pages, we need shadows of Robbie Robertson and
Betty Brant behind those doors. So if all this is true, why is it higher than
the Mummy or Jurassic Park? Because it’s Spider-Man
and more people are going to be thrilled by interacting with Spider-Man and
Doctor Octopus than either of those two franchises and while it’s out of date
it’s done really well, there’s a part where Spider-Man webs your SCOOP vehicle
and it feels exactly like how you’d imagine being webbed by Spider-Man would
and is seamless, you believe you’ve
been webbed.
Worth the Queue?
This one we did queue for and queued for pretty much the whole queue area
(though all of the lanes weren’t in use) and I’m going with yes: again the
queue area really needs doing up but it’s occupying to look at and there’s news
reports to watch on the screens that help build up the Sinister Syndicate
(because that’s somehow less dorky than Sinister Six how?) and in the end the
ride is long and feels longer than it is thanks to having lots of scenes and
lots of villains to work through, they all have to attack, then attack again
and be defeated by Spider-Man after all. I don’t know if it IS in fact a long
ride in terms of ride length but it feels like it so yeah, worth the queue.
24. Stitch’s
Great Escape!
Magic Kingdom
Why? Because
it’s ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter just re-themed with Stitch. If you
didn’t like ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter and didn’t like Lilo &
Stitch/don’t like Stitch himself then my argument is invalid and feel free to
skip ahead grumbling about how Stitch has taken over the parks and shouldn’t be
put with the big five and how awful he is. It’s not as good as Alien Encounter
was because it’s not terrifying but I’d rather it be re-themed than cut
completely and turning it into a Stitch ride is about as perfect a fit as we
were ever going to get – because you can pretty much get the exact same
attraction but with a recognisable (and popular) Disney character and it’s less
scary to satisfy all those people how didn’t like it because it was too scary
and slightly more interesting for people who thought it was boring. Everyone’s
happy except us old fans of the original Encounter but we’d never be happy with
any changes. I like Stitch by the way, I think he’s adorable and funny, sorry.
Worth the Queue?
Well that depends on what your taste in attractions are, I generally find these
‘show’ type attractions are worth queuing for because you get a complete
experience, a beginning, middle and end but some people are unhappy that
they’ve queued all this time just to get a show.
23. Harry
Potter and the Forbidden Journey
Universal’s
Island of Adventure
Why? Ok
firstly this is only a simulator technically
speaking – this is a rougher, more thrilling ride than half the roller
coasters I’ve been on and it nearly killed one of my party. For me that works
in its favour because my god was it exciting and combined with the sheer amount
of continuity porn they packed into the story (you’re on a tour of Hogwarts and
there’s a Quiddich match on, Dementors and a dragon attack because the story of
most Universal rides is ‘you’re doing something then SOMETHING GOES HORRIBLY
WRONG’ and always has been) I was well happy. “So why’s it so low then, and in
fact why – as you’ll find out – is it lower than a similar, less exciting, ride
for a film franchise you don’t like dwitefry?” Mostly because the switch from
3D footage to physical environments and effects is shit, it’s really noticeable
in places and some physical affects don’t remotely match up with the footage. The
biggest offenders being the Dementors who are bollocks, they are so rubbish I
initially thought they were just random skeletons in the cave you go in, but no
they’re meant to be Dementors – they’re huge, they look nothing like Dementors
and they’re crap. So why’s it above, say, Spider-Man who does this better?
Because they did a lot of good things: they got all the original actors back
(well except Dumbledore obviously but Michael Gambon’s awesome because he’s
always awesome); everything around the ride is gorgeous, the queue area through
Hogwarts is a Potter nerd’s dream come true, the replica of Hogwarts that hides
the show building is beautiful, the dragon animatronic is marvellous and there
are great bits in both in the footage and animatronics areas (Aragog is also
the shit, just generally) it’s just you can really notice when you switch
between them.
Worth the Queue?
Oof, this is a tough one – the queues for it aren’t as long now ‘Gringotts and
‘Kong have both opened but they’re not going to get as short as things like
Revenge of the Mummy have gotten any time soon, Universal are not going to stop
pushing their two Harry Potter lands because they’re amazing and Universal needs
you to leave Disney property and people are not going to stop going to them
because it’s Harry Potter, because they’re amazing and because it’s obvious
they’re amazing and everyone from the hardcorest of theme park fans to sunburnt
idiots from Dagenham can see it and will tell you it. Yes I am stalling, the
experience of the queue area is enough to get you through a fairly lengthy wait
time, I think we queued for about 30 minutes again but that’s not the average
queue length, the ride’s a good length but, I dunno, the Potter rides can rack
up some long-ass queues during peak times and I can’t really say that any ride
is worth some of those wait times.
22. Manta
SeaWorld
Why? The
problems with SeaWorld are all to do with how they treat their animals, which
is not very good if you’re an animal park or say an aquarium and they’re both - so the complaints against the park are all valid but their rides are all really
good (and obviously I think Manta’s the best of the bunch). I personally think
the best thing SeaWorld can do is to drop all the live animals from their parks
and just focus on having a really good ocean themed park and water park that
continues to funnel money into conservation. They can produce killer whale,
dolphin and other experiences as good if not better than their current Chimp’s
Tea Parties with technologies that Universal and Disney have been over-using
for decades and no live animals; imagine a Shamu experience using Universal’s
screen and semi-simulator formula, how cool would that be? Not as cool as
seeing a live orca maybe but not as cruel to them either. If you’ve been on
their Turtle Trek attraction, (which is missing out on this list solely because
of the horrendous Sunlife Insurance ending) you can easily see how capable they
could be of doing something like this. Anyway Manta, which is pretty much just
Air from Alton Towers but with a water theme, and that is exactly why it’s on
this list because that makes it a fucking great ride.
Worth the Queue?
I’m not really sure on this, we went to SeaWorld on a weekday in September and
there was a massive thunderstorm that closed most of the park and drove two
thirds of the visitors home and I don’t really have enough knowledge of what
SeaWorld’s like at peak time to make this comment. I would be happy to have
queued for about 20 minutes for it I think; it’s not that long and an
experience you can get in the UK, but there are fish to look at the whole ‘way
round the queue area and I am very easily fascinated by fish and I think most
people are whether they care to admit it or not so, maybe?
21. The
Incredible Hulk Coaster
Universal’s
Island of Adventure
Why? Can you
tell that I think Island of Adventure is the better of the two Universal parks
yet? No, well I do, and it is. Anyway I’ve wanted to go on this ride since it
was built and the adverts for Island of Adventure started appearing on the
backs of the Marvel Comics that came to me on a month basis, so I had a lot of
anticipation to ride this and I’d built up a lot of expectations for – it met
them. Frankly that’s the only reason I think I need to give as to why this is
in a top 30 list. It could still do with a few things – an actual appearance by
an animatronic Hulk’d be nice for instance.
Note: I have
only rode the new upgraded version that opened in 2016, I don’t really know
what the changes were but given how new and swanky the Gamma Radiation centre was
I’d guess that’s part of it, it’s not what I would have done2 but I
want everything in it in my house so I liked it.
Worth the Queue?
This is actually a major reason why this is here and higher than others, it’s a
long roller coaster, in fact a lot of ‘coasters in Florida are much longer than
in the UK, probably to help justify the wait times and if so it really works
with the Hulk. We didn’t queue excessively long but we queued for a good while,
over half an hour, and the length and ‘biggness’ for lack of better term of the
ride really made it feel worth the wait, I was very impressed.
20.
Transformers the Ride
Universal
Studios Florida
Why? I hate
Michael Bay’s Transformers films so much and I’m so ashamed of putting this
here, especially as it’s above Harry Potter, Despicable Me and Jurassic Park
themed rides but…*sigh… it’s a really fucking good ride. The synergy between
footage and cart movements is perfect; the transitions between footage and
physical environments is mostly unnoticeable (there was one switch that I found
noticeable but only one and I was judging this sort of thing); they use an
actual animatronic Megatron at one point; it’s filled with classic G1 ‘bots
including Megatron, Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ravager and Starscream and they’re
all really well used *sigh*, it’s really good. The only problem with it as a
ride are that it’s Bayformers, the story’s completely shallow and adds nothing
to the film’s stories (ha! Like that’s a worry) and it’s just plonked in the
park. Actually Transformers is a perfect example of Universal’s current ride
problem, it’s good – it’s very good – but it doesn’t feel like a signature
ride, it isn’t something you associate with Universal Studios (even though they
made the films, Transformers is a Hasbro or Tomy property) and it’s clearly
going for Disney guest stealing current popularity over credibility or the long
term good of the park. If this had used Generation 1 design it would have been
a bit better but it still wouldn’t feel like a Universal Studios ride, and it’s
just plonked in the middle of a Hollywood studios themed land. Why not stick it
with Men in Black, y’know the Sci-Fi feeling part of the park?
Worth the Queue?
Yeah I’m going to say so, we went on it during a horror night so there was no
queue at all (and it made a nice break from the horror) but it seems to average
about 30 to 40 minutes or so and while that’s a long time it feels like a long
ride for pretty much the same reasons Spider-Man does and with the films and
property still being so popular there’s a big payoff at the end so yeah, yeah
it probably is equal to the queue time, god I feel dirty.
19. Surf Pool
Typhoon Lagoon
Why? I can
hear you already, well if you existed, but again hear me out. This is the best
wave pool you can experience, this is Disney level quality and attention to
detail focused on a wave pool, the waves are perfect, they’re the perfect high,
they look perfect I don’t know how the Imagineers did it but they did it, and
its size and setting is completely perfect. I agree that it seems silly to put
something as mundane as a wave pool on a list like this, especially higher than
fan favourite rides like Hulk, Forbidden Journey and the Mummy but this is the
best of wave pools. The only thing it really needs is more shade some big arse
plastic palm trees along the sides would do.
Worth the Queue?
It has no queue; it’s a wave pool - so satisfaction is immediate, another
reason to put something so mundane on this list.
18. Big
Thunder Mountain Railroad
Magic Kingdom
Note: Ok this
was closed for refurbishment while we were there but I’ve been on it before and
I’ve been on the one in Paris recently so I’m cheating, sue me.
Why? I
sometimes think that the roller coasters at the Magic Kingdom/Disneyland are
sometimes held in higher regard because the parks are so starved of thrill
rides than what they do have seem better and more thrilling than they are, then
I ride them (or remember them in this case) and realise that, no, they’re just
really good, even if they’re not the biggest, baddest ‘coasters in town. The
way I think of Disneyland is that they take standard rides – the haunted house,
the spinning rockets, the dark ride, the log flume, etc - and just made the
best version they could, with that thinking Big Thunder is Disney Imagineers
making the best runaway mine train they can and the best Disney can make is
usually pretty fucking good. Also it makes the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train feel a
bit redundant but then that’s more kid friendly, they have three flying
elephant rides, and the queues were so long for Seven Dwarfs’ that it was never
going to get onto this list if it gave me money, chocolate and use of its wife,
which I guess is Snow White’s Scary Adventures and I guess they’re divorced now
it’s closed? I’m overthinking this. I actually think that Euro Disney Disneyland Paris’ Big Thunder is my preferred one,
though the layout and design of Thunder Mesa and putting it on an island helps
and that’s actually mostly why this is lower than I think a lot of people would
put it but the Florida Thunder is still excellent, it’s Big Thunder at its
biggest and has more dinosaurs. Actually that’s another god reason as to why
Big Thunder’s good – it’s already a sweet runaway mine train with great theming
but then they added dinosaurs and ghosts to the mix! That’s not overegging the
pudding, that’s putting chocolate sprinkles on a sundae. Also fun fact? Half
the stuff from the flash flood town is taken from Mine Train Through Nature’s
Wonderland from Disneyland, some of the Living Desert survived!
Worth the Queue?
As one of the standard ‘Disney Longqueues’ as I shall now call them it doesn’t
really matter I suppose because you’re gonna have to queue for a while whether
you like it or not but honestly, not really no. while good it is just a sooped
up runaway mine train and you can go on them anywhere, they might not be quite
as good but a lot of people probably aren’t going to notice what makes it
superior, or consciously notice that, anyway.
17. The Jungle Cruise
Magic Kingdom
Why? This is
one of my favourite rides but I’m trying to be a little bit objective and
objectively the Jungle Cruise is a ride past a bunch of animatronic animals
while some bloke tells you bad puns, the one bit of excitement – the shooting
of the hippo – has been removed for obvious reasons and the likewise slightly
unnerving native attack has also been toned down for other obvious reasons, I
mean Disney wouldn’t want to seem racist now would it while having whole
attractions based on Songs of the South and Aladdin and hiring anyone roughly
brown enough to play characters like Pocahontas and Jasmine and having It's A Small World. I love every
minute of the Jungle River, the trapped expedition, the ransacking gorillas,
the bathing elephants, Trader Sam, but I can see how it could be seen as a bit
rickety these days. However go to Animal Kingdom and then you will learn to
appreciate this ride; in fact Animal Kingdom is the exact reason why Jungle
River Cruise uses animatronics. While their safari ride is actually pretty good
and rewarding, allowing you to get close to animals you usually wouldn’t the
rest of the park is beautifully themed enclosures – with no fucking animals in
them, because animals do no obey park schedules and do not turn up when guests
require them to. Jungle River’s animals can be relied on perform every trip and
relied on to fulfil the fantasy of seeing these animals that’s being lost as we
learn more about them and grow more used to seeing them.
Worth the Queue?
As another Disney Longqueues the
answer’s probably no, the ride and it’s animals are great and the ride overall
is a good length (though feels far more rushed these days, probably for
capacity reasons) but unless you’re a Disney park fan and appreciate the River
it might seem a little unimpressive for how long you had to wait.
16.
Muppet*Vision 3D
Disney’s
Hollywood Studios
Why? Firstly I
am not going to refer to this park as anything but ‘MGM’ because ‘Hollywood
Studios’ is a lot more bloody syllables and the point of shortening something
is that it’s short. Secondly because it’s the fucking Muppets and the Muppets
are brilliant. Ok I’m a big fan of the Muppets and just seeing a ‘live’ Statler
and Wardorf is enough to get this on my list but even if you’re not a fan I’d
like to think that the name ‘Muppets’ comes with at least a guarantee that
whatever it is will be entertaining and chucklesome and an expectation that
whatever it is will meet this guarantee. Muppet*Vision meets this guarantee,
it’s filled with fun, the characters get their respective schticks in in a way
that feels natural to the plot of the show (basically the Muppets are testing
out Muppet*Vision 4D and it all goes to hell because the Muppets cannot pull
anything off smoothly because they’re either incompetent or insane and that’s
why we love them) and it plays off of the 4D and audience interaction gimmicks
really well. Also there is an animatronic penguin orchestra, let me say that
again, an animatronic penguin orchestra.
Worth the Queue?
Not the owner of the longest queue in MGM but at peak times I’m sure the wait
can get a little long for what is essentially five minutes of puppets doing
slapstick and 3D jokes but like PhilharMagic its worth it just for the pleasant
sit down and a pleasant sit down with good entertainment. The show also seats a
lot of bodies so when the queue movies it feels like it’s moving a lot, we
didn’t queue at all I don’t think for this, maybe we had to wait one show but
then we weren’t at the park during a weekend in June.
Part 2 >
1
E.T The Ride isn’t on this list, it just didn’t make the final 30, but it’s
great a little ride, Spielberg oversaw the whole thing and does the intro video
and it’s well worth going on even if it is a bit rickety these days.
2
I would have made it all look like a desert facility with a window showing a
desert testing area with a tiny Rick Jones playing harmonica in a tiny car but
I guess once you went on the ride – which is an outdoor roller coaster largely
over water - the desert theming would probably have been ruined instantly.
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