Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 6 - Goomy line to Noibat line

Best guesses for why these three slimy little darlings are PURE dragon include a sea slug nicknamed the Blue Dragon Sea Slug, a French mythical creature called Lou Carcolh which is supposedly both a serpent and mollusc at the same time, taking characteristics from both types of animals and the yōkai Shussebora, a trumpet shell snail that lives 1000 years in the mountains, 1000 on the plains, and 1000 at sea, then will ascend and turn into a dragon. If I had to pick one I’d go with Shussebora because Game Freak generally look to their own myths first when looking for inspiration for ‘mons but I agree the Lou Carcolh makes sense, honestly it’s probably a mix of all of this and more, you know what Game Freak are like.

I, of course, think this line is magnificent – they’re just so friendly and happy and cute that it’s impossible to not love them. I think I like Goodra the least of the three – but Goodra shouldn’t feel bad, because I like Goomy and Sligoo a lot - and it’s different enough to keep the ‘no dragons are usually like this’ appeal that the line thrives on but it’s closer to a standard cute dragon than its previous forms - but again Goodra shouldn’t feel bad because Goomy and Sligoo are nothing like dragons. What they are like is two adorable little slime things and I love ‘em, I want a Goomy, it’s simply adorable and adorably simple. Why is it that I always have less to talk about when it comes to the Pokémon I really like? I suppose it’s just easier to summarize why I like something? Or I’m shit at this and need to stop. Feh, yeah right.

For Mega Gengar see here

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 5 - Helioptile line to Carbink (and Diancie)

I have no strong feelings either way on these two and…I’m sure I should. Stylistically the two are lovely, a mid-point between Gen 1 and Gen 3 that I wish all of the third Generation of Pokémon had used; Helioptile is adorable (and it’s head looks like a sliding puzzle, don’t you think? Just me?) and Heliolisk has (I feel) a clever, logical and creative thought process behind its design (frilled lizards = suns = Aztek), in fact it’s a lovely design all over; the two are nice to use in battle, speedy and most importantly they can learn Surf so you can surf on an adorable sun lizard all ‘round France!

And it looks so sun-like when it puffs it’s frills out:

So why can’t I get it up for them?

I have no idea…

For Mega Steelix see here

For Mega Kangaskhan see here

For Mega Mawille see here

Yes! I don’t care what it’s western name is, Tyranitar is a Kaiju, not a T-Rex – it’s still a damn awesome Pokémon but it’s clearly Godzilla and never scratched my King Tyrant Lizard itch the way I wanted it scratched. Tyrantrum sure does, maybe because it learns Charm - I mean what’s more attractive than a huge rock covered dragon with severe anger management issues?

Very little is the answer. This is absolutely what I wanted and I realise that what I wanted wasn’t very original – a Pokémonified T-Rex with appropriate typing and a cute little hypothesis on what a T-Rex wold look like if it were a Bulbasaur and I wanted them to come from Fossils. Funnily enough Tyrantrum is a big badass Pokémonified T-Rex with appropriate typing (Rock/Dragon) a manly beard and a way of making feathers look badass and Tyrunt is a cute but still feisty looking little Fossilmon (from the Jaw Fossil). There are other little things I like, like how their teeth blend in with their muzzle or how Tyruntrum is detailed without looking too busy (though I might have dropped the yellow? I dunno, I can’t decide on that) or how I’d totally own a Tyrunt and set it on anyone I didn’t like to gnaw on their ankles until they fucked off but mostly I’m just pleased because I got what I wanted, next.

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 4 - Spritzee line to Clauncher line

‘Evolution Disappointment’ (my term, just made it up) seems to be something that most Pokémon fans suffer from every Generation and if you go by the internet they seem to suffer from it HARD, every generation half the Pokémon that’re revealed evolve into criminal offenses enacted upon their person by Game Freak –but I rarely ever have it. I’ve been following new Pokémon reveals since Generation 2 and I’m rarely unhappy with what the ‘mons morph into, in fact I find that evolutions often save a line from a stage 1 Pokémans that didn’t do much for me (examples in this generation alone include Pangoro, Chesnaught, Barbaracle and Florges). Even when I’m not as keen about the evolution as the prevolution (like, say, Meowstic) I’m rarely disappointed or angry, but it does happen every so often. Generation Six induced a LOT of Evolution Disappointment it seemed, with the Chespin, Fennekin and Spritzee lines being the worst causes. With Spritzee people seemed to agree with me that it was fantastic that this Fairy Type incorporated something as dark and objectively awesome as Plague Doctors in its design and most people seemed to feel, like me that it was a major disappointment that it turned into a pudgy, dumpy, fluffy little bird lady that drew influence from can-can dancers of all things that was only creepy in the sense that it was trying to be a bit sexy.

I was on-board with this as I say, I was hoping for something far spookier and far less fabulous but I’ve warmed to it in ways that many seem to have not. It’s not what I was hoping for yes but it’s a fairly sensible evolution for Spritzee, carrying over the mix of pink, fluffy and CREEEPY and drawing from cosmetics (not that you can really tell) keeps up the scent theme that was the source of the plague doctor elements as it was and I love the shape and swish of those ears, very pleasing. Really the worst thing about Aromatise is that Spritzee was revealed before it. I still don’t get the can-can/flamenco thing though…still it does evolve while holding a ‘Sachet’.

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 3 - Pancham Line to Honedge Line

Banchō is a leader of juvenile delinquents in middle and high schools in Japan, it’s a position that’s fought for (and sometimes campaigned for!) and if you’ve familiar with Danganronpa then you’ve met one in Mondo. The term is actually quite antiquated and the stereotypical Banchō is apparently quite uncommon in real life Japan but real life is boring and dull and filled with taxes and pilates and other dull adult stuff so Japanese pop culture went “fuck that shit: Jotaro Kujo” and Banchō are all over their fiction, with the aforementioned Jotaro from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure being the most well-known:

Why have I told you this? Because Pangoro is a Banchō Panda! Now I hope you can fully appreciate Pangoro. Hopefully you already appreciated the stereotype-busting nature of Pangoro in that instead of a cuddly soft ball of loveable it’s an attack bear and hopefully you already appreciated the fact that there was a panda attack bear that was made of anger and fists that is so badass it naturally grows a badass longcoat and could break an Onyx in half but now you understand that Pangoro isn’t just an ‘ard bastard, it is the ‘ardest of the ‘ard bastards, it is the leader of the ‘ardest bastards. As someone who has been waiting for a Pandamon since Generation 1 I am MORE than satisfied with the end result being Jotaro the Gang Leader Panda.

Pancham I’m a little less enamoured with but that’s mostly from a design point of view, I’m just not that infatuated with the grey body markings, but the little shit is brimming with personality. Lookithim, he’s just a sod and cute too. Oh and you know how they evolve into Pangoro right? You have to have a Dark Type on your team as well to get them to evolve, Panchams become Pangoros because someone was a bad influence! That’s juvenile delinquency theming in its totality and I love it.

For Mega Alakazam see here