Thursday, 9 January 2020

Quick Crappy Pokemon Reviews: Generation 6 Part 6 - Goomy line to Noibat line

Best guesses for why these three slimy little darlings are PURE dragon include a sea slug nicknamed the Blue Dragon Sea Slug, a French mythical creature called Lou Carcolh which is supposedly both a serpent and mollusc at the same time, taking characteristics from both types of animals and the yōkai Shussebora, a trumpet shell snail that lives 1000 years in the mountains, 1000 on the plains, and 1000 at sea, then will ascend and turn into a dragon. If I had to pick one I’d go with Shussebora because Game Freak generally look to their own myths first when looking for inspiration for ‘mons but I agree the Lou Carcolh makes sense, honestly it’s probably a mix of all of this and more, you know what Game Freak are like.
I, of course, think this line is magnificent – they’re just so friendly and happy and cute that it’s impossible to not love them. I think I like Goodra the least of the three – but Goodra shouldn’t feel bad, because I like Goomy and Sligoo a lot - and it’s different enough to keep the ‘no dragons are usually like this’ appeal that the line thrives on but it’s closer to a standard cute dragon than its previous forms - but again Goodra shouldn’t feel bad because Goomy and Sligoo are nothing like dragons. What they are like is two adorable little slime things and I love ‘em, I want a Goomy, it’s simply adorable and adorably simple. Why is it that I always have less to talk about when it comes to the Pokémon I really like? I suppose it’s just easier to summarize why I like something? Or I’m shit at this and need to stop. Feh, yeah right.

For Mega Gengar see here

Whoooo boy, people were not happy to see Klefki. Personally I didn’t see the issue then and I don’t now: it’s a lovely little design, an organic looking and feeling mix of key, keyhole and alien and a neat, creative and unexpected concept for the first Steel/Fairy type, however…
If you thought my dislike of Flabebe was weird and made me look a bit screwy just you wait until you’ve read this shit. Klefki makes me feel sick, especially fully moving in 3D, it makes me feel like I want to gag. Why is this? Is it it’s weird little spindly arms? Is it it’s emotional horror of a face? Nope, a bunch of random little things make me feel sick when they’re on their own – rings, floor change, keys, keyrings and big bunches of keys and keyrings. I like to say this is related to various problems with my senses (of the five, only my sight works ‘right’) but I think it’s just cos I’m a weird fucker. And all I see in Klefki is four random keys it found on the floor (cannon, it steals keys, it’s a fairy thing) on a weird little rubber rope and it makes me retch.
Oh, and this thing has Prankster as an ability and a move set to support it, it became far more popular once this was discovered, if you play online and someone’s got one? Quit, it’s for the sake of your sanity.
I’m giving the poor little sod a three because I feel bad about disliking it for such a bizarre, specific reason.

So then, the ghosts of human children get lost in the woods and become adorable little ghosties and then when they gain enough experience via beating the shit out of other living things they become one with the woods - angry cycloptic monstrous trees that look like what would happen if Sudowoodo became a serial killer and my dad still can’t figure out why I like Pokémon.
These are great. Great, great, great, great, great, great. They’re great when taken at face value – especially the spider-legged, looming, jaggedy Trevenant and they only get greater the more you know about them. These are proper ghost stories in Pokémon form, unambiguous and scary yet so cute/badass at the same time. A complete success.

I am a Halloween nut, I LOVE Halloween, I’m a fucking Halloween hipster, my family were having Halloween parties when I was six, years before it became cool to embrace Halloween in the UK in the way we do today.
I don’t really like Pumpkaboo and Gourgiest much
I don’t HATE them, but I don’t LOVE them either, certainly not the way a Halloween fan of my magnitude should.
I applaud Game Freak for doing something different with their pumpkinmons (especially as they’d done the classic ‘pumpkin head’ designs for Cacnea and Cacturne) but their designs in execution? I think I’ve finally figured out my issue – the Jack O’ Lantern part of the designs are too obviously Jack O’ Lanterns that it draws all the focus from the animal/non-Jack O’ Lantern parts and making them feel tacked on, then they look like cut-and-shunts, two things stuck together, they just don’t coalesce and they seem confusing thanks to the focus drawing bodies. Pumpkaboo has the more obvious animal half but the most stuck together feel while the more flowing Gourgiest has the more obvious Jack O’ Lantern half so it all levels out really.
I also hate their gimmick. You can get Pumpkaboo and Gourgiest in four sizes. Some fans have been pestering for sizes for years and it has began to creep in with Let’s Go but it’s just something else to keep track of, another variable to remember. I have to keep track of over 800 Pokémon, hundreds of moves, hundreds of abilities AND Natures AND Types AND Formes AND evolution methods AND…AND…AND… and don’t give me something else that just continues to complicate things.

Back in Generation 1, quite a few Pokémon were gathered up into evolutionary lines despite not being designed to evolve from/into the other ‘mons when conceived (notably Blastoise, Exeggutor & Exeggcute, Golem & Graveller and Gengar & Gastly) – I think Game Freak might have been up to their old tricks again. 
Because other than both being ice types and both being roughly themed around ice formations Bergmite and Avalugg really don’t look much like each other do they? If you think I’m framing this as a complaint I’m not, as well as giving me some nice Gen 1 nostalgia the two DO have a connection – ice formations – and do share a colour scheme so there’s enough there just like there was with Wartortle & Blastoise or Graveller & Golem and and there’s always something extremely satisfying about training a little weird thing only to have it evolve into a huge fucking monster/ Avalugg is just one of those Pokémon that says ‘all your effort was worth it’ and for me is one of the best looking Ice Types the series has ever had, pretty much making up for Regice being the weakest of the Titans, with whom ol’ Avalugg shares a lot of the same qualities – it really does look like it’s made out of ice rather than being an organic thing that looks like ice.

For Mega Abomasnow go here

For Mega Aggron go here

For Mega Tyranitar go here

Everyone likes these two right? They’re literal dragon bats (they’re Flying/Dragon types)! They have loudspeakers for ears! You’re not going to rock this boat are you dwitefry? Surely you don’t dislike the Dragonbats?
Nope, I they’re they’re just dandy. I prefer the more abstract Zubat and Woobat lines from a design standpoint but that doesn’t mean I think these are badly designed, they’re not, I just like the ‘boiled down to their most basic aspects’ style of design over what Noibat and Noivern use (a ‘Pokemonise a real animal + add some bits’ design style I guess) but there’s so much to like here from both that design aspect and a general ‘omg look at that Pokémon’ aspect that I don’t think that preference is going to affect my score for them so much. Noibat is ADORBS but also the nicest colour scheme, if you’re the colour scheme of the first Birthday Massacre album I will like you, whatever you are, my bedroom is genuinely Noibat colours (I did it first, bat). Noivern has a great face, it looks like a henchman for Skeleton and it’s not based on expression but just overall construction, it has resting badass face; it also has lovely ears, kudos to the design team for finding a way to repeat Loudred’s design gimmick but making it look completely different, who knew you could draw the speakers dickheads have in their cars three different ways when attached to Pokémon? It also has wings like some kind of jet, like the Blackbird or Avengers Quinjet or whatever, and that is never not cool when on a winged creature, it just says ‘fast and powerful’. See? So much to like, these are good bats.

For Mega Banette go here

For Mega Scizor go here

For Mega Altaria go here

For Mega Sceptile go here

For Mega Blaziken go here

For Mega Swampert go here

For Mega Camerupt go here

For Mega Glalie go here

For Mega Metagross go here

For Mega Lopunny go here

For Mega Latias & Mega Latios go here

For Primal Goudon go here

For Primal Kyogre go here

For Mega Rayquaza go here

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