I think Teddiursa and
Ursaring are what I think of first when I think ‘Gen 2 Pokémon’ and that might
be what’s clouded my judgement of the whole generation as ‘simple, plain, not
exceptionally creative but still likeable’ which as we’ve seen and as we’ll see
is quite unfair. Teddiursa is adorable in Pokémon form, it’s a living teddy
bear that always looks a little nervous, Ursaring is a big-ass bear that always
looks cross or, I suppose, like a bear with a sore head – but I think that
might be giving Ursaring too much credit.
But ultimately a teddy bear
that evolves into a big cartoon bear isn’t that creative is it? It’s about the
most basic execution of ‘Pokémon Bears’ you could get, there’s nothing wrong
with them, Teddiursa fits perfectly with Meowth and Diglett as another ‘made
flesh’ design (something that Gen 3 will continue with and you certainly won’t
get any complaints from me about that) and Ursaring is a satisfyingly awesome
bear to get as an evolution of Teddiursa and I’m not saying every Pokémon has
to do something wildly creative or unexpected, you need your basic ‘control’
mons to make things like Natu and Slugma stand out against, you need your
Normal Types, what AM I saying? ‘three
balls’ I think.
You’ve got lava that oozes
along, you’ve got slug that ooze along, you’ve got a game filled with animals
that have elemental types. IT. MAKES. SO. MUCH. SENSE. And then, lava cools to
make rock, so our lava slug cools part of itself into a snail shell, a snail
shell made out of volcanic rock on a larva snail. IT. MAKES. SO MUCH. SENSE.
I fucking love Slugma and
Magcargo, I love their quirky little faces, I love the fire looking eyebrows on
Slugma and the glow from Magcargo’s shell and I can’t believe I thought this era
was bland.
ICE PIG MAMMOTH! *HUGS*
Yeah this is another of
all-time favourite evolutionary lines, right after the last one no less, which I
think shows you how varied my taste in Pokémon is (allow me to brag a little)
as those were quirky larva snails and these are, well, brown mammals, perhaps
the least special of Pokémon designs. But I just adore everything about them,
and I’d like to say that their evolutionary progression makes complete sense to
me – of course they make sense because I’m mental but shhh – guinea pig >
warthog > mammoth, it makes so much sense, it’s pig in name only > actual
pig with tusks > hairy elephant with tusks. See? Complete sense.
Swinub is just hair and
nose, it barely has eyes, it is proof that simplifying something makes it cuter
and cuter until you have nothing but hair and cute, and it scurries around in
such an adorable little way and eeeee! Piloswine is the Cousin It of Pokémon
and just as great, cute enough to still be cute but menacing enough to feel
like Swinub really grew up, somehow simultaneous ridiculous, sweet and fearsome
– which is warthogs all over really innit? If they’d’ve left it there I would
still be raving about this line because it would still be great but then Gen 4
brought the Ice Pig Mammoth, which is fair enough as even though Piloswine felt
like a satisfying evolution it did - like a lot of Gen 2ers - feel like the
line was unfinished. So they finished it with - let me say it one more time –
an Ice Pig Mammoth; I fucking LOVE mammoths, they’re one of my favourite things
in this world, huge hairy elephants with massive spikes on their face? Yes please.
And Pokémon’s mammoth – while a bit of surprise, I wasn’t expecting it to come
from Piloswine - is gorgeous: big, imposing, fluffy,
impressively tusked and in fact a lot more badass than actual mammoths. It
keeps Swinub and Piloswine’s lovely simplified look and still has no need for a
whole face – though it’s eyes are now uncovered, which is suppose IS an
evolution, seeing clearly is better than not right? – and are they REALLY
supposed to be ski goggles? Surely not? What am I saying, this is Pokémon, of
course they’re supposed to be ski goggles.
You know what I like about
Corsola? It’s not it’s use of the very pleasing pink and white colour scheme,
it’s pleasant resemblance to piggy banks, it’s cute face or it’s incredibly
pleasing contours (again with the contours, look I learnt a word I’m gonna use
it!) or the simple ‘DUH’ fact of having coral (which is a living thing) be the
basis for a Water/Rock type Pokémon that rivals the ‘so obvious’ rightness of
Onyx or Magcargo, it’s not even the fact that it looks like someone drew a dick
on it’s head. It’s that it’s solid. Corsola looks like it has the same little
nubby little limbs that a lot of ‘mons (like say, Skitty) have that work like a
puppet’s limbs, but Corsola doesn’t move like that, it moves like the toaster
from Ghostbuster II, it’s all solid and bounces and clonks about. That just
seems so coral, don’t you think?
I dunno why I ask questions
like that, I know the answer is ‘no, you’re a nutball dwitefry’.
Corsola used to be my
number 2 gen 2 favourite, right after Lugia. No idea why, probably the same
reason as Yanma. I still love the little bugger, but I guess my tastes have
changed since I was 14 a little more than I thought they had (Not that much,
but clearly some) because this little chap just ain’t gonna get the six ball
treatment. Also it needs an evolution, the fact that it doesn’t is kind of
weird as like Magnmeite a Corsola evolution that was just a few Corsola stuck
together would make so much sense (as y’know, coral forms reefs and in fact the
Pokédex says that Corsola forms reefs too) that it would be completely
acceptable, and that’s a VERY easy thing to design. Also because those little
shitbags Mareanie and Toxapex are nomming my poor little coral babies left and
right nowadays, Corsola needs to quadruple in size and kick the crap out the
bastards, they’re nowhere near as pleasingly designed either! Although as it
can’t move it’s limbs like that it would probably jump on ‘em and squash ‘em
like a cartoon anvil, but that’s better!
Technically this should
include Mantyke and Mantine too shouldn’t it? Stupid Gen 4.
Remoraid really doesn’t
like you looking at it does it? It wants you back off and STOP STARING. Not
that I have any problem with an antisocial fish or for that matter an octazooka
but this is one of the ‘I wish they’d kept the Beta designs’ evolutionary
lines:
From the (of course) Space
World ’97 demo, these just gets the concept Game Freak were going for across so
much clearer, it’s quite plain in those two that it’s a gun that evolves into a
tank, in the end they reduced the gun and tank elements so much that it just
felt bloody strange that a remora fish (or a fish in general if you were one of
those kids how didn’t know what a remora fish was) evolved into an octopus. I
know I usually go on about how much I like abstracting and being less obvious
but sometimes you can go too far and in this case that was the case.
Octillery is still a pretty
nice cartoon octopus though, and it’s gimmick – yeah this is another Pokémon
with a gimmick move set – is just lovely, it can learn EVERY beam in the game
and just about every ‘firing’ style move (like Bullet Seed and Flamethrower)
too - because it’s a tanktapus. That’s the kind of gimmick I can get behind
because ultimately it’s less of a gimmick and more just complete and total
theming, and I like theming, that’s why I like Disney World. It also (unlike
most of this gen’s gimmick mons) means Octillery is pretty damn useful in-game,
covering a lot of types - sure it won’t get STAB from the likes of Sludge Bomb,
Hyper Beam and Flash Cannon but those moves will still be super effective and
for taking out regular NPC trainer that’s often enough. And it’s fun to have a
Water Type that knows fire moves.
Santa bird knows if you’ve
been nice
If you have he’ll give you
a pass
Santa bird knows if you’ve
been naughty
And if you have he’ll bomb
your ass
Another of Gen 2’s single
stage gimmicks, in this case Delibird can only learn one move; ‘Present’ a
present that either hurts or heals. I however am completely ok with this
because in case you hadn’t guessed from my beautiful new Christmas Carol –
Delbird’s gimmick is that it’s Pokémon Father Christmas and originally it was
even going to have a santa hat:
That might have been a bit
too on the nose, but as someone who likes Christmas and adores Penguins, a
vaguely penguin-esque Santa bird is more than alright with me. Of course
Delibird is useless in battle because it just knows one move it doesn’t even
get a STAB boost from that has a chance of helping the opponent but not every
Pokémon is created for the competitive metagame, some are created just to be
Santa.
That said I’d love an
evolution, turning Delibird into a badass Santa Bird would be amazing, sort of
like a cross between Pingu and the Father Christmas from Rise of the Guardians.
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